Bionic Toast

CRUSHES ARE STUPID AND LIKING PEOPLE IS STUPID AND FEELINGS ARE STUPID

(via i-will-die-laughing)

daddyfuckedme:

wouldn’t it be cool if jellyfish floated around in air instead of water but they didn’t sting you instead they gave you little kisses and rubbed your forehead with their tentacles

(via tumboner)

radstunts:

thirteenth-zodiac-sign:

bllonde:

Dear tampon and pad companies:

Please make your items quieter to open.

Sincerely,

The whole restaurant/household/bathroom now knows I am on my period, thank you.

I just thought my flat-mates were eating crisps in the loo. 

that is the single most british sentence i have ever read

(via sunnylay2)

satans-fabulous-blog:

morphingly:

brightredkettle:

are you the SAT because i’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes

with a ten minute break halfway through for snacks

That’s the most reasonable pick up line I’ve ever heard. You’re hired.

(via thegiggles)

you guys i opened a door to let the dogs out and a fucking spider ran across my foot inside and then i was screaming and my mom dropped a plastic bowl on it to not let it run away and then it fUCKING GAVE BIRTH ON THE FLOOR IN THE BOWL AND THEN WE WERE BOTH SCREAMING

WHAT DO I DO

ITS STILL IN THE BOWL AND ITS JUST HAVING MORE BABIES

FUCK

IT DROPPED MORE BABIES

MY DADS LIKE GASSING THEM WITH SPRAY AND ITS STILL GIVING BIRTH

YOU GUYS THOSE ARE ALL BABIES

FUCK MY LIFE

There is only one solution:

(via iwillmindfuckyou)

Do you ever feel physically sick because you know you’re not good enough for anybody and you can’t do anything right and you’re too tired to go on

(via monica-chagorski)